Death

Yesterday, one of our dogs, Kava died. He may not have been originally mine or ours for that matter, but certainly, it was a painful experience. He only arrived in our home last year and yet the bonding it had created with the kids is so enormous that losing him never entered my mind.

His loss brings out all other issues, disturbing ones so it seems as the cause of his death is not clear to any of us, except that he fell off from the balcony.

Last night, as I put my daughter to sleep (she's eight years old and currently in Grade 2), after we prayed...I told her...it's okay to cry honey. And boy, she just poured it all out. It was a sight that was just heart-breaking. I've never seen her cry and in such a painful state as last night's. As a parent, I had to deal with all sorts of feelings, and sometimes, I wonder, when do I get to grieve? Well, I had my moments when the kids were asleep, during the night as I wasn't able to sleep at all, and yes while writing this. Introducing death to your kids is certainly not an easy thing to do. And of course, there is our son, who has down syndrome, who seems to be oblivious of what is happening. To think, he was there when it all happened. Then again, I can never tell what his feelings really are, as he refuses to talk about it even at school. He seems to act as if nothing happened since yesterday. But I know deep inside, he's also hurting. He may not be talking, he may not show any remorse, but I know deep inside, he cares... how do I know? I don't know, I guess I just feel it - we always had that connection. It frustrates me though...if only he talks to me...

I hope this loss will be an instrument to bringing our family closer. I've always believed that there's a reason for everything... I just hope, we all see that reason.

As for Kava, we love you and we will forever miss you. Thank you for the memories especially the ones you gave to my children!

And to all the parents out there, if you're thinking of giving your children pets, I guess, we also have to prepare ourselves to explain to our kids the cycle of life. Then again, there's really not enough preparation for all of us for things like these. At some point, we just have to trust - that our kids are resilient and will be able to handle it. As for us - the adults, I hope we can all be like our kids...

I Can't Think Straight

Every night I empty my heart

But by morning it's full again

Slowly, droplets of you seep in

Through the night's soft caress

At dawn, I overflow with thoughts of us,

An aching pleasure that gives me no respite

Love cannot be contained

The neat packaging of desire

Splits asunder, spilling crimson

Through my days...

Long languishing days that are now bruised

Tender wish yearning

Spent searching for the fingerprint

A scent, a breath you left behind...

- from the movie I Can't Think Straight

Why Work...Life...Balance?

Work - well, everyone works. Be it at the office, running your own business, the stay-at-home moms or dads, and yes even studying...that's work for me. Everyone works in one way or another - whether we like it or not...

Life - life is everything. Question is, what is life for you? Is it doing the things that you do outside of 'work?' Is it raising kids? Is it trying to work yourself through college? Is it raising a family? OR is it doing the things that you want? Then again, there's also the topics about love, religion, sexuality, financial security, world peace and all the other stuff that happens around us - whether we like it or not. It's the world we live in, our life, the lives of the people we love, the lives of the people around us...

Balance - by balance, what do we mean? Does balance refer to the concept of equality? Does everything have to be equal? Why do we need a balance? Is it possible to have a balance?

So I guess, this blog is about anything and everything that touches the heart, that touches our lives. I'll try to post about my own experiences, then again, who's interested with me or my life? The world does not revolve around me!?! (or does it? :) It can be about your life or about topics that are dear to you. So, if you want anything to be discussed or you know, just to start a conversation and possibly, learn from each other...or simply just to vent without worrying about other people's judgement (because hey, I don't know you or you don't me!), let's try it out. A journey through life... with you in it...deal? Deal!

Finally...

21 January 2010

Finally, got a chance to start my own blog! Thanks to the movie Julie & Julia who somehow inspired me to write once again. Thing is, I need to find time now to write everyday, otherwise it will be a useless endeavor, isn't it? Oh well...let me organize my thoughts some more and explain why I chose...

Work...Life...Balance?

Hope to write again tonight...until then!